Top 5 Emo songs from Musicals

So after a year of benching this blog, I’ve finally decided to start blogging – again.

This post is inspired by one of my friends (MC) who uses the rather depressing musical Les Miserables to lighten her mood and drown out the ignorance of the outside world. A novel use for a musical, yes, but it got me to thinking about when I was young(er) and I would basically do the same: hide behind the characters and use their music to express my emotions.

So this list details five song numbers from musicals which, I think, are incredibly emo. In other words, these are the songs you listen to while slashing your wrists. It was supposed to be a top ten thing, but I could only really come up with like 3 so here they are.

Top 5: The Role of a Lifetime from Bare: A Pop Opera

One of the few gay-themed musicals, Bare is not quite an opera in the most traditional sense of the word, but its plot is aptly operatic: hidden love affairs, sex in dorm rooms, an unwanted pregnancy, and  a suicide. In this song, Peter laments his relationship with his roommate (aka. boyfriend), Jason, who’s straight-acting. Nerd moment: if you look very closely at the lyrics, it’s the concept of performativity in action! Keep acting straight, and no one will be able to tell you like other boys. A fair amount of essentialism in there, too: “these feelings aren’t going away. So we drive ourselves insane, spinning circles in our souls, as we dance around and play pretend.”

I particularly like the lines: “Am I a savior or a phase? Am I here to damn you or to help you navigate this maze?” Everyone who’s queer and has been told (by parents, teachers, counselors, and priests) that they’re not normal has gone through this: you begin to believe them and you feel guilty about yourself. In the musical, Peter has made peace with his sexuality, but his partner, Jason, still hasn’t.

The musical is beautifully written and peppered with amazing songs and big personalities: I’m particularly fond of Sister Chantelle’s “God Don’t Make No Trash”.

Top 4: With One Look from Sunset Boulevard

Ok, so maybe Norma Desmond is closer to crazy than she is to emo, but this song helped me through a particularly difficult phase in high school.

In second year, I was cast to play Laura in our class production of Florante at Laura. Since we went to an all-boys school, the other classes has cast ‘real’ (read: genitally) girls to play their respective Lauras, but for some strange reason, I was cast as Laura. So of course, I took Norma’s With One Look as my ‘theme song’ -> With one look, I put words to shame.

One time, during rehearsals, I couldn’t remember my lines, so I started joking around – to the chagrin of both of our directors, one of which promptly replaced me with another classmate – who was considered more “classically good-looking” (and she still is). I ran to the bathroom and started bawling my eyes out. Then I started singing this song, which helped me regain my composure. I won the role back the next day.

Oo, bata pa lang ako, I was already a retired 50-year old crazy bitch who wanted to play the 16-ear-old Salome. And I reveled in it.

Top 3: Simple Little Things from 110 in the Shade

A relatively little-known musical, 110 in the Shade is about Lizzie Curry and… just Wikipedia it. She’s an old maid, so once again, I can relate. This is disturbing.

I love the lines of the song though. “All I need is someone beside me to have and to hold, someone to love me as we grow older.” Awww…. /wrist

And did I mention that I love all things Audra?

Top 2: I’m not that girl from Wicked

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQwWneWbmLQ (Feel free to be annoyed by all the coughing in the background.)

Nerd Moment: For all you straight readers there, you have to realize one important thing about growing up queer that you won’t find in many books – the process of translation. Especially if you grow up and identify as transgender, you become sort of an expert in translating – not language, but genders and gender roles. Virtually all the media you consume as a child – from fairytales to children’s stories to Disney movies and their purportedly queer aesthetics – is straight. Girl gets rescued by guy, yada yada yada… So you have to ‘translate’ the stories and make all the characters queer so that you can relate to the story. I didn’t know it back then, but that’s what I always did: I wanted to be Mulan and be trained by the hot Captain, I was the Child-like Empress waiting to be rescued on my Ivory Tower, and most importantly, I wanted to be Ursula and squish the annoying Little Mermaid.

So when I first heard this song, I was automatically sent back to my childhood – and my fiercely competitive rivals: those pretty ‘girls’ who were not very smart (they weren’t dumb though) and who wanted constant attention from all the boys in school – what with all their popularity polls and whatnot. So, of course, I related more with Elphaba than with Glinda. I wasn’t green-skinned, but I was the tiny little, pimply, curly-haired thing who was hardly noticed. I asked a friend, Boom, what he thought about me in high school and he said I was mostly quiet. And I was. Aside from my one big drama about not being exempted from CAT, my high school life was pretty quiet. Then again, it’s hard to be noisy when everyone around you is already making so much noise. And of course, those rivals I had in high school are now my closest friends.

Still: “Don’t wish, don’t start. Wishing only wounds the heart.” PAK!

Top 1: On My Own from Les Miserables

The ultimate /wrist song for all of us single girls in love with those fabulous, fabulous men who are beyond our grasps. “I think of him and I am happy with the company I’m keeping. The city goes to bed, and I can live inside my head.” Awww.

The first time I actually heard this song was on Dawson’s Creek. It was horribly sung, but I did love the song (thank the gods for Lea Salonga). Show me someone, straight or queer or whatever, who hasn’t felt like this, and I’ll show you a person with no heart. And no soul. And no libido. I think this kind of unrequited love is an essential part of being human -everyone’s got that someone that they love from afar.

“Without me, his world will go on turning, the world is full of happiness that I have never known!” –> ack!

/WRIST